so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize