I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You can't just leave with hair like that
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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