party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
