What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
These tits shall not be calmed
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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