Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just found a bag of teeth...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
