Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i dont even know how to be here
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
