I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
