i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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