I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
