did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
