So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
