so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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