I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
