she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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