im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
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I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
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You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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