I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
