careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
