what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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