Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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