if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
