If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
