I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
where are my eyebrows?
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