I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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