Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
