there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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