In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
