Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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