yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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