hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
