you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
