Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
