I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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