Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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