He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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