Im at strip club and am horny
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
