you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
