They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
