The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You are a genius and a whore.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
