We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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