Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
