I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
