how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
