is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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