Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
