On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
