And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
