he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
