I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
