when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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