Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
