this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
