I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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