Midget sex pt 2 tonight
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
