operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
