I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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