Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
