Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
