I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
