Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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