Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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