"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
