cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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