i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
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You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
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this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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