I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
