i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My vagina is officially offended.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
