We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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