I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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